Attachment Disorder Site - providing hope and support.

I feel one of the most important parts of taking care of yourself is to find the time to relax and realize that many of the feelings you have about your attachment disordered child are normal under the circumstances. You need to acknowledge these feelings, not deny them and keep them buried where they fester and make you lash out at your child and those around you.

You have been under attack in your own home and those attacks are primarily coming from your child as well as others who just don't understand - or want to understand. But, you must remember that this is a very sick child, not a monster. So learn how to effectively parent your child and learn how to deal with your feelings - by talking to others who live the same life or to a professional therapist. Keeping these feelings inside only makes the situation worse and you cannot effectively parent your child if you are not taking care of yourself.

Here are two articles that may help you to see that you are not alone in many of the thoughts and feelings you may have.

I am one of many moms nationally who provide support to families with children effected by Attachment Disorder. Our children have much in common; but over the years, I have found that we "moms" do too. This common ground is our "emotions". Most moms are shocked to learn others feel (or have felt) the same.

In my numerous observations and conversations, I’ve come to realize: Unless a mom can get past these damaging emotions (and misconceptions): the child has trouble healing, and other relationships are challenged.

So ........, from one mom to another, here goes.............................

In my own experience (and I know I speak for other moms as well); talking about and dealing with these feelings is helpful and necessary; both for you and your family. Your child’s therapist may be your best resource. Request a separate session, this is not for your child’s ears. I encourage therapists to initiate a session for this purpose.

1) A new book: (Note: the title is misleading; but the content is great, even if you had great parents!) The Whole Parent, How to become a terrific parent even if you didn’t have one; by Debra Wesselmann. She describes many COPING TECHNIQUES and step by step approaches to dealing with STRESS. She helps the reader identify parental misperceptions and how to challenge them. In addition, this book deals with: MANAGING TOUGH EMOTIONS, Creating a new wellspring of nurturing experiences for both you and your child, Forming healing connections, COPING WITH WHAT SEEMS LIKE TOO MUCH, Strengthening your relationship with your child, Parenting the more challenging child, How to strengthen your attachment with your child at any age, and more.

This may be copied and distributed without permission: Families with Attachment Disordered Children (Pennsylvania & beyond): (412) 366-7113, marleenk@icubed.com

The Nine Stages of Grief as
Experienced by New Adoptive Parents of
Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder

The stages of grief, as modeled by Kubler-Ross, are usually associated with those recovering from the loss of a loved one; however, these stages are weathered by anyone experiencing a loss of any kind. A person can grief over many things, such as the loss of a job, marriage, health, or even a material possession. In each case, a loss is experienced. Depending on the severity of that loss combined with the personality of the individual involved, the stages of grief can last only a few minutes or the duration of a lifetime.

This grieving process is extremely difficult for new adoptive parents of children with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), because it begins almost instantly before there has been an appropriate lapse in time for parents to sufficiently bond with their new child. The bonding is delayed due to the emotional distancing of the RAD child. Parents have conflicting emotions between sorrow for the child and his/her past and then those for himself in his loss of enjoying and controlling a stable home environment. Parents must decide whether they can endure parenting a child who lacks the inner resources to reciprocate their love by becoming a willing participant in the family. Whether parents choose to finalize or disrupt the adoption, a loss is experienced.

The following is a variation of the Kubler-Ross model of the Stages of Grief which has been conformed to the loss that parents of RAD children find themselves as they progress to the final level of adjustment.

New parents of RAD children can find support in knowing that these stages are a normal part of the adjustment period. Parents will also have a better understanding of their child as he/she too must go through these same stages of grief and loss before reaching their final level of adjustment as well.

Many families find it difficult to find care for their child with an attachment disorder. Sometimes, parents and other family members need a small amount of time away from the ill child. Respite care can provide this if the caregiver is savvy about attachment disorder.

Give Me a Break
Training video for respite providers
specifically regarding children with attachment disorder.

Respite Care Q&A
from ARC

Any information on the Attachment Disorder Site does not replace professional advice. This site is my attempt to pass on my knowledge from reading and learning everything I could find on this issue so that I could help our son and maybe help others who are walking this same path.

The resources on this entire site are provided for your personal perusal. I have no way to guarantee the accuracy or appropriateness of any information or advice for a particular situation. Nothing on the Attachment Disorder Site constitutes medical, legal or other professional advice and I assume no liability or responsibility for any diagnosis, treatment, decision made, or action taken in reliance upon information contained on these sites including any sites linked to it or your use of the Internet.

Permission must be granted by Nancy Geoghegan to use any part of this site. Feel free to email me to discuss this matter.