Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) is a disorder in the ability to form close and trusting relationships.
Children with this diagnosis suffer from an inability to love and be loved. They can poison relationships in a normal, healthy family so badly that all family members suffer. They are excellent manipulators, with their effects subtly and cleverly directed at each family member. It is extremely difficult for outsiders to understand the pain and anger of parents complaining about the child’s behavior, because in public such children – the very charm.
Lack of bonding with others manifests itself in the form of cruelty to other people and animals, which can even be hard to believe.
In addition, children with attachment disorder avoid eye contact unless they are lying; are hostile to others; blame others for their own mistakes or problems; lack trust, pity, and conscientiousness; have impaired verbal development and often have learning problems indicative of general underdevelopment; steal, identify with negative characters and the dark side of life in general; may self-injure and often have a high pain threshold. They avoid tactile contact; take a defensive stance; are accident prone; they are drawn to fire and blood; they seek to control everything; they try to draw attention to themselves; they show increased interest in the sexual sphere of life; they suffer from bedwetting and encopresis. In order for a child to be diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, they do not necessarily have to have all of the above behaviors. Also, some symptoms are seen in children who have attachment issues but do not suffer from RAD. The ability to form attachments, establish healthy relationships with others, and exist in reciprocal bonds with others makes each person part of a community of people.
Symptoms of attachment problems tend to become evident before the age of five. Attachment to the mother (primary caregiver) originates in her womb and occurs on a neurological, psychological and emotional level. This is the time when the mother is the only person who takes care of the baby’s needs for food, comfort, love and comfort day in and day out. When a child exhibits the behaviors described above, attention should be paid to possible “lapses” in the early history of mother-infant bonding. Meaning, for example, separation from the mother due to adoption, death of the mother; hospitalization of the child or mother; frequent moves of the child or frequently changing caregivers; emotional coldness of the caregiver during the child’s mental or physical illness; chronic pain such as colic or ear infections; maltreatment or abandonment; prenatal substance abuse; parental abuse after birth; or an abusive home environment. There is usually a combination of factors present that make a child distrustful of others, especially adults – authority figures like parents.
In adoption agencies, prospective parents are often asked the question, “Can you love a child who won’t reciprocate?” Children with attachment disorder cannot reciprocate love with love without prior specialized care and therapeutic intervention.
